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Voted Best Joke in Ireland 2006

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said,
"Here's to spending the rest of me life! between the legs of my wife!"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night" She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife." "Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary." She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself.
"You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."



Telephone Bill*> >
The phone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house called a family meeting...
*Dad:* People this is unacceptable. You have to limit the use of the phone. I do not use this phone; I use the one at the office.
*Mum:* Same here, I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work> telephone
*Son:* Me too, I never use the home phone. I always use my company mobile
*Maid:* So what is the problem? We all use our work telephones


*Prospective Employer to Applicant *: 'So why did you leave your previous job?'
*Applicant:* 'The company relocated and they did not tell me where!'
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You were riding a bus, when you suddenly fart.Luckily the music is very loud. Every time you farted, you timed it with the music. When you were going down the bus, everybody were throwing dagger looks at you, and you suddenly realized . . . .. that you have your MP3 player on your ears
***************

*WIFE:* It's a miracle! You came home early.
*HUSBAND:* I just obeyed what my boss told me to do. He said: 'GO TO HELL', that's why I came home early
***************

John: It's my wife's birthday
Peter: What's your gift to her?
John: I asked her what she wanted
Peter: What did she said?
John: Anything, as long as there is a DIAMOND.
Peter: What did you gave her?
John: playing cards
***************

After having failed his exam in "Logistics and> Organization", a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.

Student : "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?"
Professor : "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be> a professor!"
Student : "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. However, if you do not know the answer, I want you give me an "A" for the exam."
Professor : "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?"
Student : "What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?"

Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an "A", as agreed.
Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.

He immediately answers : "Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical.
Your wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife's lover an "A", although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical."
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